He Writes A Letter to His Wife

He Writes A Letter to His Wife

Demanding A Divorce,

But It Doesn’t Go Anything

As He Planned

Dear wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years, but I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. And then your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today… ugh, that was the last straw!

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, I had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate quickly in just two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex. Whatever the reason, later for you… I’m gone!

Your EX-husband,

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

*

Dear ex-husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. In the hellish seven years that we have been married, a good man is a far cry form what you’ve been. I watch soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining. Too bad that it doesn’t work. 

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was “You look like a girl!” Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone and all I found was your lousy letter. 

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So, take care.

Signed,

Your EX-wife, rich as hell and free! 
_____________________________ 
Source: http://boredomtherapy.com